I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
