I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
