He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
