she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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