if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
FUCK WHALES
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
