How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
