all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
