Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
