and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
