if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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