This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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