We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
