I think I just saw someone hide a body.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
