Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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