i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
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He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
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We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
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