it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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