Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
