So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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