Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
