you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
The power of my boobs compel you
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
