I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
