Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
