you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
