my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
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