Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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