operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
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My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
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and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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