So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
