Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
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