I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
