LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
