you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
