if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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