I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I seem to have left my pride at pride
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
