did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Soap is not a condiment
i already hear my dad disowning me
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Randomize
