pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Randomize
