tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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