I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Randomize
