Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
