I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
