Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
