i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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