I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
