i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
