do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
it's like heaven, but drunker
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
