So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
