I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
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