All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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