this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
