She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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