Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
