Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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