What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Randomize
