It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
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