In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
