So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
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Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
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Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
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