I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
FUCK WHALES
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
