he wants to bone in the snuggie
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
