She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
she pinky promised me she was 18
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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