real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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