I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
