I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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