I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Randomize
