I can't watch pbs sober anymore
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
