you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
