Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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