Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Randomize
