Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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