We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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