Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
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