I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
