idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
