omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
