I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
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