i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
