I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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