Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.