My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
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he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
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He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...