Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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