I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
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Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
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The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.