Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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