he was CRYING into my vagina
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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