**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
