Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
