how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
