So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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