I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
