Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
