two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
