Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
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I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
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Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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