A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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